Thank you for your patience in this last year or so where I haven’t written.
So I have actually tried writing this TWICE… I’m going to post what I have from the first draft, from about 8 weeks ago.
I needed a break. HERE I AM, again. This is my offering.
This is my first post in about a year… but here I am.
I have 6 drafts going as well but nothing that feels quite right, yet.
Let me preface this: Dating in 2017 is fucking awful.
I am not blaming one thing. It’s a cultural thing, as far as I can see.
With a world of apps like Tinder and Bumble, lying to seem like we don’t care, sleeping around and never actually dating… it all contributes.
So let me start with myself. Dating me is, I am sure, not easy.
I am an EXPERT single girl.
I travel alone, go out to eat alone, love solo movies, sleep perfectly alone. I am build for this. That is excellent & I am content.
However, that makes dating me all the harder.
I am also a runner. When in doubt, I cut and run. I don’t apologize for it. It is easier to bail and miss out on something good, than mistake someones potential for their actual personality and settle.
When I talk to my committed or married friends about dating, most are shocked. SHOCKED. I do have some funny stories, some sad stories, some unusual ones. So here they are. Unfiltered, (my best attempt at being) unbiased, stories of being 21 and dating in 2017. Mom and dad, beware…
I am going to change the names of the men mentioned here, though I highly doubt any of them will ever read this. (if by chance one of you does- hi! thanks for being storyworthy!)
1. The drugdealer we shall call Mark
I love telling this story! I met a guy about a year ago (on tinder, no less) and we started texting when I was on a vacay to DC. He DID actually read this blog and has discussed it with me, which I was very impressed with.
I liked Mark. He was funny, he has a dark humor to rival my own, and truly valued my opinion on things.
*** Today’s version***
Dating in 2017 is fucking bullshit.
Literally bulllllllllllllllshit. Stressful, if nothing else. Confusing, time consuming, more than likely deceptive.
In a world of Tinder (I’ll come back to that), hook up culture, lying, being left on read… where is the romance? Do we need the romance? Is the societal version of dating now broken… or am I broken?
Let’s delve in.
Let me give a couple little background stories on my flailing love life! I’ll change names slightly, to protect the people I’m about to expose. 😉
Mark- The Drug Dealer
First, let me start by saying… I do not do/use drugs. My grasp of drugs is minimal. I recently learned that marijuana is sold in grams! Obviously, I am not a drug lord. I don’t know this junk. Not my circus, not my monkeys type thing.
So, Mark. Ooohhh, Mark.
So, let me try and explain this the best I can. I’m not into “bad boys” but he kind of got me. He paid attention. He read this blog. EVERY post. He wanted to get to know me in a deep, personal way. He didn’t let me drunk text him, trying to flirt. He demanded that I respect him more than that. WUUUUUUUUUUT. Boy, WHAAAAAT.
Good kisser, too. Long eyelashes. A laugh that makes you feel warm and fuzzy.
So of course, he had to have a flaw. His isn’t just having a temper, or being too interested in bowling though. His is drug dealing. Again, people have different views on marijuana and that is fine! However, in Florida, it is still illegal. Selling it from your Camry is ILLEGAL. My dumbass didn’t really get suspicious when he had two cell phones and was cryptic about it after getting a sketchy call at like 6am on an android I had never seen before) because he told me not to worry about it. He was attentive, sweet, and reassuring. I was INNNNNNNNTO him, hardcore. I thought he was going to be boyfie very shortly.
He dropped me.
Yep. HE dropped ME.
He went ghost. I stopped hearing from him. No calls, no texts, no date invites, nothing. annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd because of how the world works, facebook is what told me he was in a relationship with someone else. A little meatball of a girl who looked straight out of the white trash hall of fame. Cool.
Since then, I have had friends purchase from him. Yikes. Apparently he is still wheeling and dealing. Pun intended. Haha!
He also broke up with meatball… So now the dealer stands alone.
I still can’t believe he ditched me, so I’m just telling myself that I’m too straight laced for him. I like that explanation best!
Derek- Hookup turned heart eyes??
2 years of being an on and off hook up… you’d think the pattern was established, right? Please explain to him that we are nevvvver getting together. Don’t get in your feelings with me now, please and thanks!
The dude has a baby. Nope. Next.
BRANDON AND MONICA-
I didn’t change their names because ANYONE who was around from Oct-Dec of 2016 has heard of Monica. LOL sorry guys.
I had a very solid boyfriend at the end of last year. Like matching crocs, meeting all the friends, “i love you” kinda crap. This is the guy who came and rescued my drunk, messy, birthday girl self in Soho. He was gentle and helped me through a fun, hot mess of a night and the subsequent hangover the next day. He was a good boyfriend. He was also a liar.
So Brandon has this friend named Monica. Brandon having a female friend was never the issue. The issue was that Monica was always around. He was regularly at her apartment, hanging out… and would never tell me. They lived in the same building and spent copious amounts of time together, which he always conveniently left out. This is a boy would tell me EVERYTHING. He always left her out, somehow. I also never met her, nor was I ever invited to. Even though we were always at HIS apartment, very close to hers. Sketchy, right? Fast forward to date night. We were both frazzled as we had to dig through all of his earthly possessions to find his social security card! We were already running late, hungry… the whole 9 yards of grumpiness. We’re fine, walking to my car… and GUESS WHO PULLS UP IN HER $40,000 freaking SUV. That’s right. Monica.
Perfect time for me to meet her, right? Yeeeeeeeah, no.
My boyfriend dropped my hand and ran (YES, HE RAN), across the parking lot to go greet. hug and give attention to this girl. Again, not even a wave in my direction. Nothing. We ended up having a fight later, in the line at Chipotle and then my car! He still didn’t know what I “didn’t get” about his friendship with Monica. No boy. Just no.
We ended up breaking up for an assortment of reasons but Monica and the secretive nature of their friendship was certainly part of it.
Okay, enough of blasting others. Back to what’s really important, ME.
So I don’t think I’m broken. I relate a little too deeply to Meredith Grey, maybe. I just have a certain amount of healthy fear of romance and commitment. I see way too many people short changing themselves. I’m not broken, just way too good at being alone. Way too closed off to the idea of someone being different or better.
I’m not broken, just not letting anyone else break me.
I don’t want to settle. I don’t want to wake up one day and regret the man I picked. I don’t want to feel like I got someone “okay.” I don’t want to be cheated on either. I don’t want to be lied to, deceived…
The issue being, how will I know if I ever find a good one?