Dear Future Husband…

Dear Future Husband,

Maybe we aren’t even married. Maybe we’re just dating. Or maybe we eloped in Vegas. Maybe we’re in a vegan, hippie town & our word of commitment is enough. Those details aren’t nearly as important as the fact that I’ve met you. YOU. Mine. A piece I’ve been looking for. I think I’ve looked for you in each city, in each bookstore. Maybe we’ve come across eachother before. See, I am not easy to love. I am not polite and dainty and ready to fall head over heels for you. I am art, I am passion, I am emotion. My love of life has sent more boys running than I can even begin to explain but to you, no explanation is necessary. I am not a butterfly on a cork board or a paper that folds and goes easily into an envelope. I am a volcano of emotion. I am stubborn. Loving me will hurt like hell but I will also love you with everything I have. When I am yelling, bare with me. Hold my arms when I start waving them like a crazy person. Tell me you love me, when I am screaming at you. Please, be gentle with me when I am brushing you off, for that is when I need you to push past my defenses. I will always ask a lot of you. I will frustrate you, I will push you, I will demand more. This is not because I think you aren’t good enough, it is because you are great enough to reach further. I cannot wait to find you, to breathe in your knowledge. I can’t wait to hear about what you know and love. Tell me about the birdhouse you made with your grandfather at age 8. Tell me about your first car or the first piece of literature you loved. Play me the song you can’t stop humming. Teach me to play chess or how to trim your favorite fern. Share with me your experiences. Give me the inside of your mind and I will give you every piece of my heart. Push me back! Push me to try new things, to take that risk, to change my mind again. Don’t let me put myself in a box. When I am self pitying, make me volunteer. Show me how fortunate I am. When I am self doubting, show me what I have achieved. When I am grumpy, tuck me into bed for a nap and be ready to cuddle when I wake up. When I have a hard day, send me to bed and come in 15 minutes later so I can have a breakdown and let it all out. Know that my tears are therapeutic and that being held is all I could ever ask for. I can’t wait for you to meet my family! My mom will know you’re the one. She’s known all the wrong ones, this will be so very different! My dad will tease you as he gets comfortable and when he takes you to that first lightning game, I will know he approves. When we get our first fur baby together, let’s pick a name from the universe. Forget spot, our family is made of love and infinity so let’s name him Achilles. We can take him to the dog park and be the cute, annoying couple who are happy and enjoying the sunshine. I cannot wait to meet you! I am so excited for our future. While I can’t wait for you to come along, I do have to be honest and clear about a couple of things. You are not my soulmate. You do not complete me. I am not, as of now, an incomplete being. I am a whole, happy person. Yes, I am excited to think that “my person” is out there. Yes, I am thrilled to think that my partner will be coming around. I am not going to be “so and so’s wife.” I am Lane. I am brilliant, I am courageous, I am bold, I am independent, I am funny and I am complete. While having you in my life will no doubt bring me joy, please know that I have joy even as I wait. I’m not waiting around for you! I’m just living, figuring you’ll come along sooner or later. I hope you’re out making mistakes. I hope you date someone who is my opposite, so you know that you want someone else. I hope your sense of humor remains intact, regardless of how hard life gets. I have dated some guys who have clearly pointed me in your direction. I cannot wait to be in Ecuador, giving as freely as possible of our time. I cannot wait to go to bed and to snuggle against you. I hope you’re ready for the adventure of your life because I promise you, this won’t be easy. It will be scary but it will be worth it. I hope you’re living it up & I hope you’re heading my direction, regardless of how long that path will take. I can’t wait to give you my heart.

All of my love (now and later!),

Lane xoxoxo 

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