The 9 guys you’ll deal with in college. OH MY.

The guys you’ll deal with in college

Each college is different but as my dear old dad always says, “The players change but the game remains the same!” Maybe you can relate to one or some of these kinds of guys!

 

The boyfriend you were “crazy about” in August!

Uhhh, yuck. In all your infinite wisdom, you thought the guy that was cute to be at the beach with in June was also going to be a good support system in August? Yeah, good call. Clearly that worked out! I’m not sure which of you was crazier… oh wait, still him. You may have gone so far as to block his number AND also tell him that you’ve become a lesbian. I mean why are you so obsessed with me??? Let that one run- he’s crazier than the plot line of an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

 

The Location guy.

For whatever reason, you already knew this guy. You met at a party, at a football game, something. He lives closer to the college you’re going to than your parents and thinks that proximity will play in his favor. He may confess his “genuine love” and not understand when you don’t reciprocate. He also may or may not volunteer to help with set building for a club you’re in and then singlehandedly insult everyone in the room. Looooocation, location, location… no, no, no!

The very shady supervisor.

This kid is 100% certain that he is better than you. College classes be damned! If he can run a concession stand and also work retail at Hot Topic… he must be a titan of industry! Make no mistake folks, he is important. His personal life is VERY important. If you want to learn how to get black band hoodies for discounted rates in very small sizes, he is the guy to talk to! If you want to learn how to work a large popcorn machine (but probably plug in too many things and trip a breaker), he is your guy! He takes his jobs super seriously and has nevvvvver called into and then found to be skipping work to party or do recreational drugs. Supervisor means superior. DUH. Did you get your favorite gothic band’s hoodie for $12? HE DID. That is absolute mentor material.

The daddy issue ridden pathological liar!

Clearly he hasn’t met your brother! Silly goose, you can’t bullshit the girl who grew up with the ultimate bullshitter. While the stories are fun AND yes, people are naïve… this is the guy who is so far “too good to be true” that you’re actually hoping he just stops talking altogether. By the time I’m feeling 22 (love that T swift!), I hope that I have done what you have! Been in the military, been a full-time foster parent, met the girl of your dreams who has a recording contract, made yourself a “popular” youtube artist… mmhhhmmm. Impressive. Very impressive. Let me go head and give you a number to a good therapist- just in case! J

The actual crazy guy who picks locks to get to girls. Not a joke.

I wish I were being dramatic. This guy will actually get a friend and attempt to pick the lock on your dorm door by the 3rd week because he’s infatuated with your roommate who is 0% interested. He’ll end up not being allowed to contact either of you or come back into your building because he clearly has some very serious, scary issues. Avoid this guy like the plague!

 

The off campus love interest 😉

Sometimes these are the really cute ones! Maybe he’s a cop, maybe he’s like 10 years older than you… who really knows?? Life is crazy sometimes. This is the guy who actually wants to settle down in the near future though… so get those free dinners, some cute little moments, enjoy your time.. then cut and run!! Bail out of that before he starts throwing out nonsense ideas of long term romance. Guys like that can’t afford to be go with the flow for too long, they’re pretty much peaking in life! Free food, cute moments, run.

The stoners who aren’t as laidback as you’d think…

This is the guy (or maybe even two roommates) who SWEARS he is laidback but is actually the high maintenance one. Be careful with these ones- being in a druggie apartment is a good way to learn paranoia! No drugs required, just knowing they’re lurking somewhere… hmmm. They can also get a little weepy, so watch that. They’re nice guys, good to watch stupid movies with and if I were 21, probably a blast to drink with! Keep the expectations low though, these guys aren’t the ones you call after a breakup because they won’t know how to comfort you except with adventure time. Friendzone them hardcore and then just enjoy their silliness!

 

The gay guy who DOES NOT LIKE DRAMA omg!

If a guy ever says, “I’m gay but I am not dramatic” he is a liar. If someone isn’t dramatic, they won’t feel the need to even mention it. This is probably someone worth having around because they are known to put themselves in funny situations. Anything from potty accidents in a Denny’s restaurant to just learning new facts about Ellen can be fun with this guy, just know that drama queens caaaaaannooooooootttttt be trusted! Keep your secrets to yourself around this one.

The rich northern guys who brag about being from up north. Oh.

There’s too many of these guys to really even try to narrow it down any… If they wear sweater vests, nothing but shirts from their high school team or Yankees apparel, write them off. If they feel the need to specify things like “I’m from Syracuse… that’s in upper New York, in case you didn’t know” with an attitude, talk about how their parents gave them a golden credit card or brag about the mission trip they went on but actually just donated money and did sight seeing instead… probably not the grade A kinda guys you might really wanna know. Up to you! In my experience, it’s those guys who forget their real friends pretty quickly. Be nice to them, show them respect, but be cautious. Men raised to care only for themselves and their social standing aren’t men of character- nor will they ever be.

  • While these are only 9 of the types of guys you may run into during your college years… they sure will leave you with some stories! Just remember that YOU always need to be your own first priority. Your health, safety and happiness are first! Hopefully you meet a million and one other wonderful guys during this time frame- I certainly have!

I may do a girl version of this post… let me know what you think, darlings! Xoxo

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4 thoughts on “The 9 guys you’ll deal with in college. OH MY.

  1. These are oddly specific… I personally have not connected to any of your biased stories. But that’s just my OPINION, right? You know what an opinion is right?

    Like

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